Tuesday, September 11, 2007


I just thought I'd start this blog with a bang. Short and sweet, like today's blog.

A couple of days ago I was making DW her regular Sunday morning breakfast in bed consisting of bacon and eggs when Princess asked where we get bacon.

Princess: Dad, where do we get bacon?
Me: Well, from pigs actually.
Princess: From pigs?!?
Me: Yeah, like we get chops from cows.
Princess: How do they make the pigs so flat?

I toyed with the idea of describing a great big slicing machine but decided that it is possible to be too honest. So I responded with...

Me: Well, its complicated and don't worry about it now, your bacon's ready.

Whatever she might have thought of that answer was moot because as soon as she smells sizzling bacon in front of her, she pretty much forgets whatever she was about to ask. DW told me that yesterday in the bath she mentioned that she thought it was sad that we eat pigs. This is a good reason not to have something edible as your favourite animal.

Little Man on the other hand, likes trucks. He can't get enough of them. Every time he sees a truck he has to yell out to it. Even if he can't see a truck, he still likes to yell out to any trucks that might be hiding nearby. He especially likes his Grandad's truck. He calls Grandad "Dumda" but when he sees Grandad he gets really excited and just calls him "Dum". Not flattering perhaps but not as embarrassing as when he sees Grandad's truck. While Little Man can say "Truck", he usually just says "fuck". When he sees Grandad's truck, he gets really excited and points and yells "Dum fuck, Dum fuck!" DW had to explain this little idiosyncrasy to an unsuspecting passerby, who happened to have a very similar truck to Grandad's.

DW told me how Little Man was sitting in the back seat telling her how much he likes "fucks". We visited a friend recently and her little boy, a bit older than Little Man, has a similar issue with trucks, only he calls them "cocks". Apparently he really loves them, especially the big ones. Kids are embarrassing, but I think it would be very funny to her these two little boys chatting in the back of the car at a Monster Truck Rally.


Thought for the Day: Should auld acquaintance be forgot? Yes, dammit! Them and their aulds.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

10 clearscreen
20 printscreen "Hello, World!"
30 printscreen
40 goto 20

The time has come to talk of many things. Of birthday parties, Father's Day, cabbages and strings.

I'm not sure where I left off from Little Man's birthday celebrations and checking would involve a small amount of effort that I am really not willing to commit to, so I'll just type for a bit and we'll see what happens.

Little Man turned two, blah, blah, blah, we had a party, blah, blah, blah, visited the grandparents house while they were away, blah, blah, blah, stuff happened last week, blah, blah, blah AND THEN...

...it was Father's Day. "Was there a sleep in?" I hear you ask. Yes, there was. "Was there breakfast in bed?" Yes, there was. "Did you have to change all the dirty nappies?" Yes, I did. Now that I think about it, DW must LOVE Father's Day. To be fair, DW was not well on Sunday and she did offer to let me sleep in, and I actually don't like breakfast in bed, and the nappy thing, well that was all just bad luck.

But there were presents! Yes, for several days, Princess would say cryptic things like, "Daddy, make sure you don't go in the study" or "Daddy, don't look under Mum's side of the bed because I don't want you to find out what your present is" or "Daddy, I don't want you to know that we had to put the painted mug in a special oven so that it will be ready for Father's Day, and I made a card". I think they start teaching subtlety next year.

So, you can imagine my surprise to received a mug-shaped present. I did the surprised-Dad look and opened the card and the present, the first of which was made by Princess and the second had been painted by Princess or possibly Monet on Speed. It has a kind of Angry Impressionist look to it. Still, I love it. She made one a couple of years ago which she doesn't remember but I still keep on my desk at work. Oddly enough, when you see these things on other people's desks, you can't help feel sorry for them. No longer will Mum be buying the Father's Day present on the child's behalf, because they can MAKE stuff for you now. But, for myself, the trashy handmade stuff Princess comes up with is better than anything she could have bought me anyway. In fact, I have just enjoyed a lovely cup of tea from my new mug and now I feel the need to go off and angrily impress someone.

And there were more presents. I've already mentioned the present Little Man made for me, which I had to wrap myself while holding my breath, but DW also got me a couple of things. She had asked me a few weeks ago what I would like and I mentioned that I was going to try to get fit. Now, those of you who know me will probably laugh and laugh and laugh. Ok, now stop it. I also mentioned a couple of items that I thought might help me get fit. Yes, yes, very funny now get over it. I have also been trying to eat healthily - don't choke now. So I haven't been eating a lot of junk food. I'll just give you a moment to get back up off the floor and wipe your eyes.

Anyway, DW's present was well thought out if a little paradoxical. She gave me a big bag of my favourite chips and some push up bars. Then she gave me two 5kg weights and a block of expensive chocolate. I guess she felt the net result was pretty even, so she tipped the balance in favour of healthy by giving me an inflatable punching bag. Now before you start thinking I'm a big sissy and that an inflatable punching bag would be like hitting a balloon, let me just clarify a few things. Firstly, it doesn't have the weight of a normal punching bag but it isn't supposed to as it is designed for a more aerobic workout. Also, because it is weighted at the bottom and stands upright by itself, it can be used anywhere and is actually a lot of fun. I didn't get to use it much because the kids were all over it but still, its pretty cool.

I have also been playing guitar a bit lately so DW has organized some guitar lessons for me. I said she had already done enough for me but she insisted that they weren't a present for Father's Day. They weren't even a present for me. She said I should think of them as more of a gift for the rest of the family.

So another Father's Day has come and gone. Bring on Christmas!


Thought for the Day: The "home" key on my keyboard doesn't work! I'm still here! I've been too scared to hit the "end" key.