Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Its cold again. I'm cold. I'd like to feel warm. But I don't. Still, I now have a cup of tea and that is helping.

I think its time I bought a new winter coat. I haven't bought one for a long time and my old one is disintegrating. A new coat would be nice. It would make me warm. I wish I was warm right now.

Ok. Enough whining. On to today's blog.

Football. Some people drag themselves through the summer just to get to the start of football season. Others notice the insidious encroachment of football into their usual TV schedules. And some don't give a hoot either way.

Me, I quite like football, but I quickly get enough of it. I was lucky enough to be offered free tickets to a Geelong game on Sunday but I declined. "Why?", you may ask. Well I'll tell you. Basically over my lifetime I have been to maybe half a dozen AFL football games and I have failed to enjoy any of them. I don't like the noise. I don't like not being able to see properly (certainly not now that I have my 106cm fullHD LCD at home). I don't like the neanderthal-like regression displayed by some of the supporters. I assume its a temporary regression but its entirely possible those particular people were like that before they come, and continue to be like that when they leave.

And I don't like to watch Geelong lose. Every time I have gone to the footy, Geelong have lost. If I even watch Geelong on TV, even my beautiful new 106cm fullHD LCD TV, they usually lose. In fact, the only way for me to see Geelong win is if they manage an unassailable lead in the first half and then I can tune in. Even so, Geelong still hold the record for having established the greatest three-quarter time lead and still manage to lose. I saw that game.

As I was coming to work this morning I entertained myself, as I do, by thinking up strange changes to the world around me. This morning it was football. I wondered if Aussie Rules Football might not be more interesting if it was called in the spirit of Dungeons and Dragons.

I imagined Gary Ablett Jr attacking the enemy combatants with his +6 boot. Someone casts the dreaded "Chewey-on-your-boot" charm, but the young magician is not deflected. The Brisbane Lions defenders collapsing before his skill. The Geelong forward line unite in a frontal assault, hacking and slashing their way through. Dragons and Trolls doing bloody battle. The final score reveals The Mighty Cats take the day with 18 major strikes and 18 minor hits and take a paltry 5 strikes and 3 minor, barely denting their armor, leaving the Barely LionCubs with a deficit of 93 hit points. While The Cats celebrate their XP boosting win, the Brisbane Lions barely have the strength to kick their wounds.

I'd watch that.

But not soccer:
England swing at Italy and miss. Italy swing at England and miss. England swing at Italy and miss. Italy swing at England and miss. England swing at Italy and miss. Italy swing at England and miss. England swing at Italy and miss. Italy swing at England and miss.
The End

Grid Iron might be ok though, for a laugh:
The Chicago Bears are facing the Dallas Cowboys. Both teams are in full armor. They stare at each other while one of them tries to count. When they realise that isn't working, they all drop their weapons and punch each other in the face. In fact, rumor has it they are lined up facing each other to make sure they punch the right team in the face.

Maybe not, but I like to daydream.


Thought for the Day: Mr Whippy! Mr Whippy! Where for art thou, Mr Whippy?

Monday, April 27, 2009

I'm just interested to see how easy it is to blog from my iPhone.

[Ed.: It's not too bad but I'd like to be able to post and edit the posts within the one app.]
Good morning, World!

It's Monday and it's cold. We are getting to the last part of Autumn and winter is apparently anxious to be about.

We had a reasonable amount of rain last week and somebody stole my umbrella. It greatly annoyed me. I know I shouldn't but I often have a quiet snicker to myself at people who don't think ahead and carry an umbrella. I'm mean it's Melbourne people! Anyway, I was unfortunately one of those people running through the rain, wishing some prat had not stolen my umbrella. Perhaps I shouldn't laugh at other people's misfortune because perhaps some of them were in the same predicament as I. Who am I kidding? As long as they look funny, I'm gonna laugh.

So it was a cold, wet weekend at our house which meant the kids probably watched more than the recommended two hours of television. They got a little stir crazy. The place looked like a bomb hit it. Actually, two bombs. Princess and Little Man are surprisingly effective when it comes to uniform distribution of all they own. Apparently they like to be able to see all their toys and clothes at once. DW has to go around every day and tidy it all up only to have them do it again to next day.

I don't suppose our kids are unique in this penchant for disorder, so I guess most mums or stay-at-home dads have a similar problem. However, Princess and Little Man are certainly proficient to a high degree. I know DW finds it very hard to have to do the same thing every day, clean up after the kids, wash the clothes, wash the dishes, make the meals, rinse and repeat. Finding time to do the things she needs to do for her own sanity often get bumped to the background and she has been doing it for over seven years.

This year promised some respite as Princess is in Grade One and Little Man is now at three-year-old kinder. That means DW has a whole 5 hours (nearly) to herself. So what does she do with that precious time? She reorganizes her week to do those chores that are easier without the kids in tow, like shopping or paying bills. She doesn't actually get that time to herself. The impact is not insignificant because overall, her week is slightly improved because she doesn't have the shopping battle with Little Man trying his level best to help. Princess is not stopping her to read every single word she sees on the street. But it isn't down time.

I read a while back a comparison of activities which cited looking after a three-year-old as being equivalent in energy demand to eleven hours of sex. I'm sure there are many mothers (or fathers) who firstly have never experienced eleven hours of sex, but probably feel the comparison is fair. They might also have a slightly improved respect for hookers. Or not. But the point is, its hard. Energy draining, body mass reducing hard. At least according to the study.

But I don't think it's quite accurate. It probably feels that way, and therein lies the problem. Looking after small children is hard, but mostly that challenge comes from having to let a significant part of yourself slide to the background while you pick up toys, wash clothes, make meals, rinse and repeat. It is a physical job, but it is the mental challenge and self-sacrifice that really makes it hard.

So to DW and other mothers/fathers out there who struggle with the daily grind, I say thank you. I hope every one of you has someone who will say that to you in person and show you their undying appreciation. Your kids will probably not understand yet just what you are giving them but one day they will. And when that happens, they will realize that they can never repay the debt, except by being such a parent to their own children.

So as you start your next day of mindless tedium and unending chores, just remember that you are appreciated, perhaps not fully and perhaps not by everyone, but at least by those future adults who were once so completely dependent on you. And me. I think you are all doing a great job. Thanks.


Thought for the Day: Eleven hours! OMG!

Friday, April 24, 2009


Yep. You heard me. Doritos.

For those who watch TV or those who eat chips, and those few who do both, you may be aware of the Doritos ad competition. Basically the idea to to make a 29 second ad featuring Doritos. Sounds easy? Well, yes and no. If you visit the website you will see that some people found the competition very easy. In fact, some of the ads took no apparent effort at all. However, a couple of ads did show some extra spark, and they would have been far more challenging.

I have created an ad along with my regular co-producer Narelle and crew. I think its pretty cool. If I ever manage to get it submitted (currently some server issues), hopefully you will able able to see it too, and vote for it (you can win chips!). But I have been thinking about the other ads submitted.

There is a very cool little cartoon about a corn chip trying to win a singing contest in the vain of Australian Idol or one of those shows. Its very dynamic, funny and well produced with very high production values. It is engaging and a worthy contender for the top prize. Obviously I hate it because it might beat my ad, but I applaud the effort.

There is one ad I hate even more. Its the ad with the girl in the corn chip bikini that apparently falls off after she dives into the pool. It might be the best ad ever. Hell, even I nearly voted for it. I still might. Apparently I am squarely in the target demographic because it is a such a simple concept. Sex sells. Based on the number of votes, lots of people are buying.

Don't get me wrong. I wish I had thought of it and had the budget to put something like that together. It is very slick. It has very high production values. And it can be extremely easily adapted to sell anything from corn chips to BBQ tongs, swimming pools, any form of soft drink, and pretty much anything that could potentially be used to barely hide breasts. And there's the rub (no pun intended - well not really). Basically it has done exactly what any good ad does. It taps into the audience psyche and wraps them up in endorphins. Then it can sell them pretty much anything it wants. The perfect ad. I hate it. One day I hope to create an ad just like it. Shallow, I know.

Actually, we had a lot of fun making the ad so that in itself is some reward. Even with these few good ads in the competition, I'm still hoping we can make a good showing of ourselves.

As an amusing aside, due to scheduling conflicts and so on, I ended up playing the scientist. I don't usually like being in front of the camera. In fact, I still don't but I decided it would be best in this instance. What was funny was DW's reaction to the beard I grew. Its not like I haven't grown a beard before but usually I don't trim it. Its either there, wild and unkempt, or its not. What I wanted for this scientist was something more deliberate and repressed, so I very neatly trimmed my beard. One might think that would look better. It certainly sounds better. DW was horrified. She hated it. She thought I looked sleazy and wouldn't even give me a kiss until I shaved it off. Which she made me do a few minutes after we finished shooting.

Oh well. The things we do for art. And for love. Often not the same things.


Thought for the Day: Super powers don't make the superhero. Its the underpants.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

What Ho?!?

Is this a blog I see before me?

I'd better step around that. I don't know where its been. Or where its going.

Well, it's official. I haven't blogged for a while. I bet everyone thought I had spent all my words on rubbish like lollies or footy cards, but No! I have been saving them.

In fact, I've been saving them so well, that I decided I should probably use a few before they simply EXPLODEOUTOFTHEKEYBOARDUNDERTHEINCREDIBLE

There they go.


Let me just wait a minute.

Ok, all done.

Now, where was I?

Blogging. Ok, I've decided to start blogging again because of the aforementioned and because I simply haven't been writing for my own enjoyment enough lately. Writing is fun, even the way I do it. Also, I was thinking that I don't typically record all the events that happen in my life in any other form. Not that this format is entirely accurate, or even remotely accurate, but it serves as a reminder of my state of mind.

Now you are probably thinking why would I want a reminder of that but eventually it may be useful in establishing my deteriorating mental state should I ever need to plead temporary insanity down the track. Also, its fun.

What has happened in my life since the last time I wrote. Well lots of things but the most bestest of all is that Blogger now allows for Followers! Yay! I have followers! Well, follower but I hope to add more. Now before you dump me as a leader, please understand I take this responsibility very lightly and will try not to lead you or any of my flock astray. Unless its fun. So I urge everyone to become a follower and be prepared to be led astray.

I'm a little embarrassed. Apparently the term "follower" on blogger doesn't mean quite what I thought it meant. But that's up to you good people now, isn't it. I say good people, but I don't mean to discriminate, so please don't be offended if you don't fall into the "good people" category. Especially don't be offended if you fall into the "vengeful psychopath" category.

So what does the new blogging me have in store? Well, apart from more of the above tripe, I will be giving updates on Princess and Little Man, as well as DW, friends, family and pretty much anybody who wrongs me.

Stay tuned for tomorrow blog: Doritos!


Thought for the Day: Sometimes I can seem arrogant, which is fair.