Its a brave new world folks! So much has happened recently that I barely know myself. In fact, I may temporarily be someone else, though I'm not sure who. So, where to begin? Starting at the start seems a little cliched so I'm going to hop about like a temporal madman, ok?

Little Man has finally cut one! I know you are probably thinking "How is that news?" but this time I mean a TOOTH! Yes, the tiniest little white sliver of the tip of an itty bitty tooth has perforated what must be the toughest gums in history. And it came as a complete surprise to us. I know we have been telling people that Little Man has been teething and he has - for about five months. Its a little hard holding your breath for five months and eventually the symptoms of teething were no longer symptoms, but just how we describe Little Man. So when it actually happened, we were so numb with the broken nights, drooling and revolting nappies, it took us by surprise. Don't think we weren't happy. My four hours sleep the two previous nights hadn't left me with enough energy to get really excited, but we are very proud of the little guy. To be honest, we had nothing to do with it, and he was also little more than a spectator to the event, but we have now officially made it through the first tooth. Its a big step. Wake me up when the next one is ready.

Now, before I discuss later events (see that time hopping) I should go back to the beginning of last weekend. DW finally decided the bed was ready. Just reading the previous sentence probably doesn't really convey the moment. Maybe the word "ready" should have been in capitals. And perhaps an ellipsis between "bed" and "was". Also, "bed" should have started with a capital. And it needs an exclamation mark. Let me try again.

DW finally decided the Bed... was READY!

That's better. DW worked her butt off and by that I mean she worked really hard and not that she is now buttless. She researched paint colours, she found a special priming paint that grips to metal, she spent countless hours putting on two undercoats and two top coats with a tiny little brush designed not to leave bristle marks. And she loved every minute of it, though the actual seconds sucked. She was down on her knees for longer than I have ever seen. Even her hairdresser found bits of white in her hair days later. And, boy, was she sore. All because of the new bed.

Our wonderful new mattress had also arrived and Sunday saw the actual move happen. It was with great trepidation that we transported the bed frame into the bedroom. DW was beside herself, whispering tragedy in her own ear. She was terrified that I would scratch the paint. I laughed off her needless concern, then scratched the paint with my watch band, took my watch off and set about screwing the rest of it.

DW waved the instructions several times in my face and I said if God had wanted us to read instructions he would have said... something. How hard could it be and since when has three attempts not been seen as thorough? Fortunately we had guests at the time so DW was on her best behaviour, though had she directed her gaze at the bed a day earlier, the paint would have dried quicker. Now it was in danger of peeling. But its like water of a ducks back to me. She knows I'm an idiot so there is no use pretending otherwise. But finally the frame was ready. Now for the mattress.

I think DW's little heart might have fluttered somewhat when I tried to do that thing with scissors where you open them a little bit and slide them rapidly forward, slicing open the plastic covering the mattress. Well, it snagged a couple of times but I managed get all the way through. DW was white as a sheet and frozen to the spot and I gave her my goofiest smile which brought some colour back to her face. She usually finds that smile funny, though not so much this time. So then we put the mattress on the bad, without scratching or me making any stupid jokes, only good ones.

Then DW stood back and swore. Princess, who had been mysteriously transformed into something mysterious, like a paint scraper only more mysterious, was quickly encouraged to go and play somewhere that was less here and more elsewhere. Apparently, the colour was wrong!

"Itshogbristlequarterstrengthonadoublemetalprimingundercoat
followedbytwotopcoatsandcheckedwithcolourchartsandrechecked
andcheckedagainandpleasedonttellmeitswrongbecauseitsright
isntit?" I said, with perhaps the mildest touch of panic in my voice.

DW may have sworn again. I don't know. I ran away.

When I came back, DW had made up the bed and I must say, I thought it looked like something out of a magazine. Seriously, had my underwear not still been on the floor, it would have looked exactly like a magazine photo. The bed looked fantastic. The linen looked fantastic. The bedside tables looked fantastic. The curtains looked fantastic. This is the last time I will use the word fantastic in today's blog. And you know what I said to DW. "Wow. It looks... not bad. Great even."

You know, if you are going to put your foot in your mouth, closing your mouth only results in kicking yourself in the face. Actually, despite my blunderous first attempt, I was able to convey to DW that she had done a magnificent job and that she should be very proud. She has completely forgiven me and I will probably even be allowed to sleep in the new bed this weekend, you know, when she is ready for me to.

So before the bed and the tooth but after the painting and mattress getting, was the movies. You read that right. DW and I went to the movies. With other grown ups. And NO KIDS. Princess and Little Man spent some quality time somewhere or another and we indulged ourselves in Gold Class at Village. We saw Superman Returns and even I cried a little, but that was at the sheer luxury of the recliner chairs and three course meal and waiters who creep about on all fours like puppies bearing tasty treats. Hell, they needn't have even run the movie, such was the bliss. However, they did run the movie and I must say, its pretty damn good. I like Brian Singer's directorial style and I think he pretty much nailed it with this effort. He's a very talented man supported by a bunch of very talented people. We had a fanta... wonderful time.

So, after months, nay, years of being unable to pursue many of our favourite things, DW and I have started to edge back into a life that contains, you know, a life. Ok, we still aren't getting nearly enough sleep but there is light at the end of that tunnel. In fact, before Little Man came along, Princess was sleeping pretty well, so we have high hopes of that returning now that his first tooth is through. I must say, to all those parents out there whose kids have had no teething troubles, you really can't appreciate just how exciting that little white sliver can be. When Little Man opens his mouth, the clouds part and a ray of what DW calls "Jesus light" shines down like a spotlight on the tooth and a choir of Angels sing "Rock me Amadeus". I get a little weepy.

Finally, now that my tenure as pseudo-quasi-not even really-acting-temporary-I don't think so-get out of my chair-fake-manager has come to an end, my life can return to normal. I no longer have to scowl at my colleagues and mouth "you're next". I can stop sending emails criticizing senior management and telling random people off for photocopying their bum, even if they didn't. The pressure is off. I can be me again. So watch out.

Ciao!

Thought for the Day: Smelling people can tell you a lot but mostly that people don't like being smelled.