I am back in the Princess’ good books. No longer in the bad books, the get-me-something books or the oh-its-you-I-hoped-it-might-be-someone-interesting books. And like any self-respecting father I got there simply by being a loving but firm parent carrying a big present. Yes, bribery may get you nowhere but it works pretty damn well for me. DW had informed Princess that I had bought her something special and so I was met at the door by the eagerest beaver that ever there was. Admittedly, I don’t think Princess actually noticed that this wonderful present hadn’t floated of its own accord into her arms. She didn’t even look at me as I opened the door. I was expecting big eyes and wide open mouth and at least a mildly astonished look but I got… well, she grabbed the present and bolted. DW managed to stop her with “Excuse me, what do you say?” to which Princess replied, “Look!” DW then indicated that thanks were in order and so Princess said “Thanks” to the box containing the present. I was acknowledged when it became apparent that some daddy know-how was required. I am not actually full to the brim of daddy know-how or even daddy’s best-guess but as you may have guessed, I’ll have a crack at anything that involves something I can break. Strangely, things I can’t break seem to hold little fascination.

Anyway, with dinner a little while off, DW indicated that she would like me to help Princess with her new toy by saying, “You brought the bloody thing home.” So it was that Princess and I unpacked her bloody new Puppet Theatre. Yes, I bought Princess a puppet theatre, complete with both puppets and theatre. The theatre also has little curtains that can be tied back and the piece-de-resistance, a sound deck. Princess has inherited her love of all things electrically motivated from me. DW likes to cross-stitch and has refused my offer to build battery-powered needles and thread. I’m not so good with metal so it would have to be made from wood. I’m also not so great with wood so DW has decided to stick with a more traditional approach to most things.

Puppet theatre is fun. The puppets are a king, a prince and princess, who may possibly be a very young queen and a green dragon. And they all have my voice, would you believe. Their accents tend to drift between Irish, Scottish, Indian and Texan, and they are occasionally gender-confused. But fun nonetheless. We were unable to use the sound deck because the volume controls were stuck on Auditorium, and obviously they mean a real auditorium. The sound deck has buttons and sliders and so both Princess and I wanted to play with that first. There are two microphones that allow you to speak, which, technically we can do without the microphones but obviously that is what they were for, so we used them. There is also background music, various sound effects and “mood” sounds. I call them mood sounds because they really pissed DW off so we had to stop. Admittedly, they were pretty loud.
So, we decided to just do without the sound deck and get to making up a play. Our first performance was a bit of a fiasco as we didn’t have a script and we both wanted to be the dragon, but I won. I was also the king and Princess was the prince and the queen/princess. She wasn’t happy but I soldiered on. When we finally agreed to do it my way, the play got underway. The following is a faithful transcript of the play.

ENTER STAGE RIGHT Dragon
DRAGON: Aha! A land for me to terrorise! Whaa Haa Haaaaa!!
KING: Hang on there. This is my land. Bugg… Don’t do that!
DRAGON: I’ll stop if you give me your daughter to eat!
KING: Eat my… No! That’s just not on!
DRAGON: Then I shall fly over there and capture her myself. Whaa Ha Haaaaa!
KING: Bugger. I’m mean, bother! Who can help me?
DRAGON FLIES, KING BOBS AWAY
PRINCESS sings in a garden
PRINCESS: Lalala lalala
DRAGON: Aha! Come’ere you!
PRINCESS: Eeek!
DRAGON: Away we fly. Whaaha,whoa wait, ok whaa haa, no I’ve got it, let her go so I can fly away. You be the prince.
PRINCE: I’m the prince.
KING: Hello Prince. Obviously you are not my son or nephew, but another, unrelated Prince. Could you save my daughter?
PRINCE: I could.
KING: If you save my daughter, you can marry her. What do you say to that, eh?
PRINCE: OK then. I’ll get my dragon net.
KING: Cool. You’ll be having my daughter in no time.
PRINCE: Yeah.
PRINCE AND KING EXIT. PRINCESS LIES IN THE DRAGON’S TOWER
DRAGON: No one will ever come for you! WhaaHaa Haaaa! Wait who the hell is this?
PRINCE: I’m the Princess
DRAGON: The Prince
PRINCE: The Prince. I’ve got a dragon net and I’m catching you.
DRAGON: Never, I’ll…wait! Bring me back here! AAARRGGHHH!!
PRINCE TAKES DRAGON AWAY AND THEN JUMPS ON THE PRINCESS. KING ENTERS.
KING: Well done. Now you have to stop that until you have married my daughter.
PRINCE: Ok. Now we are married. Mwa, mwa, mwa, uh, uh, uh (actions removed)
KING: High five!
THE END. Everyone bows.

Maybe we’ll video the next one.

Ciao!

Thought for the Day: I like to think of the middle of nowhere being halfway to somewhere, only easier to get to.